Debbie Rinawmi
DEAR DIARY
CONFESSION OF A BROKEN HEART
‘Bawihte harh rawh, min chhang ta che, Zoremi pawh alo kal hi’
‘Mimawlnu…engvangin nge hetiang hi I tih? I thiante hi min ngaihtuah ve lo em ni? Lalrin tho teh, min chhang teh’
Rini chu hlim ve thei tak, thiante leh chhungte pawh chawkhlim tu ber a ni thin a, hetia ama nunna a la ta mai hian mi zawng zawng a thawng a, a chhan awm tuman an hrelo a ni. A phone ah lah engmah rinhlelh tur a awmlo, a lukham hnuaiah hian a diary a awm bawk a,chu lah chu an han chhiar thuak chuan rinhlelh tur awmin an hre loa, a thiannu Zoremi chuan a hawn phei a. A hawn zan la la chuan a chhiar nghal a.
20 SEPTEMBER: Dear diary, vawiin chu kan picnic a, Chda nen kan inkawm a, a nuam khawp mai. Dik tak chuan a bula awm hi nuam ka ti, awm reng theih ka chak, mahse a rilru ka hre si loa. Tunah te hian ka khua a har e! Nichin lawk kha chuan ka bulah ala awm asin le. E, min thlah leh thlap a, a fel tawp. Dear diary, ka thinlung ruak zawng zawng hi a hnawhkhat vek ni berin ka hria. Tuna ka hlimna hi chelhdin reng theih ni se, pawisaa lei theih chu ni se a man tur tuakin ka inhlawh ngat ngat ang. Tunah tak hi chuan ka hmangaih ni berin ka hria.Ka thu mai mai te hi ka nui ver ver reng mai, vawiin kan hun hman dan ka ngaihtuah let a, ka hlim lutuk hi ka nui lo theilo, anu sawn mak min tih hmel lutuk, a rawn hawi leh hrek hrek zel.Hmangaih neih hi hetianga a nawm chuan kumkhuaa neih ka duh ang.
21 SEPTEMBER: Dear diary, bialnu a neilo a ni hrim hrim ang, kan inbe ve zeuh zeuh mai. Han biak hmasak reng ka hreh sia, mahse zep loah chuan ka ngai a ni. Kan inhmu bawk silo, kan inbiak loh chuan ka khuahar zel bawk si, ka hrethiamlo takzet a ni. A reh lai hian midang a bia ang tih ka hlau hluah hluah tawh. Ka awm ang hian a awm ve angem? Ka rilru ang hi a pu ve angem tih ka hre chak takzet, ring ngam chiah si loin ka beisei a ni. Tunah hian tlai dar 3 a ri tawh, chhun atang khan a la reh char char, ka tum buau tawh, a reh char char hi ka hne tawh takzet. Han kal mai ka duh, mahse an in ka hre bawk silo, a van hahthlak tak. Dear diary, ka thiantha ber, vawiin zet chu ka hul a ni, ka hlimlo em a, min hrethiam rawh.
22 SEPTEMBER: Dear diary, vawiin zet chu Sunday zawng zawnga boring ber a nih hi! Min wish tum bawk silo, tihian inkhawm a ngai nghal a, ninawm ve e.Ka phone ka en chak tawh lutuk a, inkhawm ban ka nghahhlelh phah vek. Ka chhuah veleh ka check nghal a, engmah a lo la awmlo zui, hitlo ve e. In ka thlen veleh ka tuar thei tawh ngangloa, ka call tawp a, pangngai tak chuan kan inbe leh lawi a,ka hlim leh nghal vek, a mak lutuk. E, chuan maw, min lo tawngtai kep em a tia kep lam niloin ka duh ang hian min duh ve theih nan ka tawngtai daih a, ka sawi zak ve deuh sia, ‘aih’ ka ti tawp a, ‘selfish’ min la ti zui. Dear diary, a nui ri ka hriat te hian alawm a aia nasa awm leh theilo khawpa ka hlim thin. Naktuk ni vat vat se aw, hetiang hian class kal ka la chak ngai miahlo.
23 SEPTEMBER: Dear diary, tukin zet zawng ka mood a ‘on’ teh e. A message pawh ka lo reply lawk lo, ka phur lutuk a,dar 8 ah ka inpeih diam tawh! Vawiin chu duhthusam ang thlap a ni. Dik tak chuan maw ka duh tawh lutuk hi ka in ‘control’ thei tawh nganglo a ni. Tunah hi chuan amah pawh hian min duh niin ka hria, hei hi ania ka hlim em em chhan. A polite-na leh a ‘caring’ lutuk hian min ti aa thei dawnin ka hria. Tlaiah bus-ah kan haw rual leh a,min en apiangin ka lai zel a,a hahthlak tawp mahse a nuam ve reng. Min en loh laiin ka lo en leh veng veng zel, a bula ka awm te, a hmel chiang taka ka en te hian ka duhna a zual thinin ka hria. Tukverh bulah min thuttir a, thli thaw chuan ka sam a rawn chhem leng vek a, min en reng avangin ka sam pawh ka siamtha ngam tawhlo. Enge I ngaihtuah min tia ‘nangmah’ ka ti ringawt a, ani reng bawk a a telloa ka khawhar dan tur ngawt ka lo ngaihtuah lai a nia, ‘kan inang a nih chu’ a ti chiah chu ka lawm lutuk hi ka mittui a parawl teuh a, mahse a hmulo hlauh, lehlam ka hawi daih.Dear diary,hun hi ka hua a, zan hun hi ka huphurh thin, a telloa awm a ngai ve ziah a.
27 SEPTEMBER: Dear diary, tunkar chu alo zo leh dawn ta reng mai, ka van ui tak ! ‘Weekend’ thleng hian class kal vek mai ka duh. Dik tak chuan maw a ‘romantic’ thei tawp. Midang hmuh laia a bula ka awm te hian ka inchhuang ru thei asin aw! Tunkar chu amah avangin ka pian ahnu lama kar nuam ber ka hman theih phah a, a uihawm duh lutuk. Lehkha zir ve ka tum pawhin amah ka ngaihtuah zel a, ka zir thei thlawtlo; mahse zir tura min duh thin avangin zir hram chu ka duh thin. Tunah te hian a bulah awm thei ila aw! Dear diary, a nupui chu a vannei ngawt ang. Ka ngaihtuah mai mai thin a, a bulah kawrfual var ha ila, hmangaih takin min en leh se, zungbun min buntir se, mahse ka ngaihtuah thui mah mah ani tiraw? Naktuk chawlh ani leh ta, NINAWM.
28 SEPTEMBER: Dear diary, Inrinni alo ni leh der tawh. An veng ka hre tawh a. A pawn chhuak vel hmuh inbeiseiin an vengah ka han kal ngawt a, an awmna lai ka hre siloa,a harsa khawp mai. Min nuihzat ka hlau a, engmah ka la hrilh duhlo zui. Ka duh ve em ani, hmangaihna tem tawh phawt chuan min dem bik lovang.
29 SEPTEMBER: Dear diary, Sunday a lo ni leh reng tawh. ‘Ka lo leng dawn’ ti se aw, ka zuang vak vak thei ang mawle. Ahma chuan Sunday hi chu chhungte tlawhchhuah nan ka hmang thin a, Chda nen kan inbiak chinah chuan alo len duh tak mialin inah ka awm tawp a, kan inbiak loh phei chuan ka khuahar ngawih ngawih zel. Inkhawm banah alo leng ngei a, ka van hlim tehreng tak! Ka nu pawh a be thiam tawp, a mark a tha tawp a nimai. Tlaiah ka ngai che a rawn ti ngei a, ka hlim lutuk hi kha message kha vawi 20 chuang ka chhiar, min hmu se chu min khawngaih zawk hial ang. Zan tir lamah ka muhil sek a, ka mumangah ka lo hmu a, mahse ka hmuh laiin midang a lo kai daih a, ka lo tap vak vak a. Ka harh chu ka rilru a na vawng vawng thei, hlauhthawnna in ka khat bawk a.
5 OCTOBER: Dear diary, zanin chu kan department in programme kan nei a, chuvang ania ‘news’ ka rawn ziah har em em chhan chu. Zing atang khan awmdan ka thiam tawhlo, ka helhhawlh aniang. Tlai lam deuhah kan inhmu a,a van hmeltha tak, hmu ve la ka ti e, ka thiantha ber I ni sia. A phone min kentir char char a, mak ka ti zawk. A hmun kan thleng chu a lam nasa tawp, nuihzathlak rap mai, mahse a hlim hmel kha a hmuhnawm tawp, ka lo hlim ve ringawt a nih chu! Thlalak vel lo en rawh min tia, ka en char char a, a hnu deuhah chuan whatsapp ka en chak tlat a. Ka en duh lawk loa, a chhan chu nuamlo ka ti ve a, mahse ka en chak tlat a, a mak lutuk, ‘instinct’ engemaw chu a ni. Ka hawng chiah chu ka hlauh ang ngeiin hmuh chu ka nei ta ngei mai. ‘Com 100’ tihin a save a, a dp ah chuan a lu a in ‘cut’ chiah chiah a, ‘lerh suh’ tih vel a ni. Ka sa chhuak nghal vek, ka en ka en a, ka mittui a rawn parawl nghal teuh a. Ka hmel danglam chu a lo hre thei aniang, a rawn kal nghal a, a thinrim tawp. ‘Ka ring che a, ka kawltir che a, privacy hi chu inzahsak ve tur’ a tia, a dik reng a sawi chu, mahse ka ‘instinct’ khan en turin min nawrlui tlat a ni, mahse kawng lehlamah chuan a tha zawk. Ka hlau lutuk a, tihngaihna ka hre tawhloa, bathroom-ah ka tlan lut tawp a, a rawn beng vak vak a, ka hawng duh lawk loa, a hnuah ka hawng a, ka pe ta nge nge a, a thinrim takzet in ka hria, mahse a thinrimna aiin ka rilru hliam chu a buk a rit fe zawk. Dar 10 a ri dawn tawh ang, kawngah ka chhuk thla a, min rawn um a, a thianpa te inah min kalpui a. Ka titau bar a, Dream Hunter music video, sap model an hmanna kha min enpui a, ‘a khal tawp, nangmah angin’ a ti deuh ngei a, ka nuih a za si,ka la titau laklawh si. Dik tak chuan ka na em a ni, ka theihnghilh thei thlawtlo, ka thinlung hi chema vih ang maiin a thi zawih zawih chu a ni sia, dear diary, amah chauhin a tidam thei a ni.
6 OCTOBER: Dear diary, vawiin chu zingkarah kan inhmu a, mahse ka hlim lo khawp mai. ‘Thinrim tawh lo la’ a ti reng a, mahse engtinnge ka theih ang? In I thlen hunah min hrilh rawh a tia, mahse a vawikhat nan a thuawih loh ka duh ve ngei a, ka hrilh loa, a reh vang vang mai, ka rilru a na ve reng. Dik tak chuan ‘min van hrilh har’ tih talin min lo biak ka ring ve asin le! Zanah chuan Hmingtei nen kan inbe hlawl a, ka hrilh ta vek a, I duh a nih chuan I tlai hmain I duh thu chu hrilh rawh min tia. Tihian message ka thawn ta a: Chd, dik tak chuan ka duh che a, mahse min duh ve si loa, nakinah ka rilru a na mai mai ang, chuvangin inbe tawh lo mai ang. ‘Ok’ ti chiahin min chhang, ka van hrilhhai tak. Dik tak chuan ‘angailo, ka duh che lawm, chutiang sawi suh’ a tih ka lo beisei a, mahse min biak loh maw alo duh? Ka awih theilo. Dear diary, tunah hian dar zat I hria em? 3:45, ka la muhil thei miahlo. Mahse amah tal tui takin a muhil thei ang chu tiraw? Mu miahlo mah ila, amah a mut theih chuan a tawk mai.
7 OCTOBER: Dear diary, Sunday alo ni leh der tawh. Inkhawm thlengin a message pakhat pawh ka la dawng lo. Tlaiah chuan ka tuar thei tawh thlawt loa, ka va text a, vawi thumnaah chuan ‘inbe tawh loang I tih kha’ a rawn ti tawl mai. A dik bawk si, ka ti ngei alawm, mahse inbiak loh ka duh tak tak a ni hleinem.Chumi message chu vawi tam tak ka reply tawh a, chhanna ka hmulo. Ka van mangang em! Sanga ka va hrilh lehpek a, ‘ka thei leh lo alawm’ ti mai rawh a lo ti sam et a, tlai khaw hnuah ka va ti leh a, reply ka ni ta chuanglo. A dik a ni, ka theilo chiang a ni.
8 OCTOBER: Dear diary, zanhnih ngawt ka mu tawh loa, vawiin chu ka zawi ngei mai. Zep loah chuan ka taksa leh thinlung hi a chau ngawih ngawih, ka mit ka khap peih tawk hi a ni ber. Class lak lai te chuan ka text char char a, a telloa ka awm theihloh thu vel a ni. Break ah chuan a message ka dawng nawlh mai, ka lawm lutuk chu ka thil ei lai ka helh awl awl mai, min hmu se chu min khawngaih ve ngawt ang.
‘Khawnge I awm a?’
‘Mizo ah thil ka ei…nang?’
‘ADM ah thil ka ei…keimahin’
‘Ka lo kal dawn ami?’
‘A ngailo mai…hei ka thiante an rawn kal’
‘Tlaiah I haw hma dawn em?’
‘Aih library ah kal ka ngaia’
‘Ka lo kal ve dawn ami?’
‘A ngailo…ka thianpain min kalpui dawn a’
Dear diary, min chhan dan chu ka lawm chiah lo, mahse hma ka sawn deuh e. Tlaiah chuan amah vangin ka haw tlai, kan ban hma tehreng nen. Ruah ala sur zui, nihliap ka nei silo, darkar khat leh a chanve chuang chu aniang, ruahsur hnuaiah ka ding a, ka huh vek. Ka text a, ruah a sur, ka la rawn chho theilo a ti tlat si. A hnua a hmel ka hmuh pawhin ka lungawi zan lo a ni, mahse ka thinrim ve ngam tawh lo, amah hloh chu ka thil hlauh ber ani tawh.
24 OCTOBER: Dear diary, tunlai chu a nuam ve reng, ka hlim ve tawh lutuk asin, tun ang hi ni reng se ka ti takzet a ni! Kan inbiak dan pawh ka duhthusam chiah chiah, zingah kan kal rual zeuh zeuh a, kan thlen hma changin Mizo Department Canteen-ah thingpui kan in ziah a, a titi siam siam lai te hian khawdang ka hawisan phallo hrim hrim. Tlaiah kan haw rual ziah bawk a, bus-a kan chuan pah hian a phone ami hla earphone-in kan ngaithla ziah bawk a. A bula ka awm lai hi chuan vannei ka inti hliah hliah thin, mahse chumi rualin min la kalsan dawn tlata hriatna hi ka nei thin a, hrehawm ka ti thin khawp, mahse hlim hmel hi hmuh hram hram ka duh thin, mahse tinge a bula ka awm lai reng pawh hian rilru na tak anga ka awm tlat thin le? A theih chhun chhun ah chuan a bula awm zel ka duh. A chhan chu maw thla leh mai hian kan exam anga, chumi hnuah chuan anni chu an chhuak tawh dawn a ni, ka huphurh ngawih ngawih, ka khua a har lawk takzet a ni. A chang chuan hun reilote chhung atan tinge kan lo intawn kher ka ti thin. Dear diary, min kalsan hun tur hi ka ngaihtuah ngamlo tak tak, tunah pawh hian ka khawharzia hrilh chung chein ka mittui a far fep fep ani tih reng a hre silo. Ka ngai takzet a ni.
28 OCTOBER: Dear dairy, kan awmdan hi ka hrethiamlo telh telh. Hetiang ang relationship ‘laklawh’ hi hrehawm ka ti, awmdan ka thiamlo. Vawiin chu Sentei ka zawhtir a, I duh tak tak em sawi rawh, I duh chuan I tan a rinawm ang, I duh loh pawn tha deuhin sawi la a chhan chu hetia laklawh deuha awm hrehawmzia hi keipawn ka hria a tia, ani chuan kan induh tawn chu a ni mai lawm tiin alo chhang a, ka hlim ve kher asin, reilote chhung chu. Amah pawh a caring lutuk, mahse dik tak chuan ‘polite’ satliah ni te hian ka hre thin, ka tih awmzia chu a bulah hian hmeichhe dang awm ta se, ka chunga a tih ang tho hian a tiin a awm ka ring, ka ngaihtuahna ka thunun zolo, hetiang ngaihtuahna nen hian rilru na tak mahse hun ka nei tlem tawh tih hriain hlim luih ka tum a, a bulah ka awm a, vawiin chu ka hmang zo ve hram e.
2 NOVEMBER: Dear diary, ka tuar thei tawhlo, vawiin chhun khan message-in ka zawt tawp a.
‘Kan ni nge nilo?’
‘Nilo’
Midang tan chuan a nuihzathlak ngawt ang, mahse nang tal chuan min nuih suh aw, ka rilru chu nang chauhin I hrethiam, nang chauh hi ka natzia min hriatthiampuitu awmchhun I ni. Mahse tlaiah chuan kan rawn haw rual leh tho. A chhan I hre duh em? A chhan chu maw hun tlemte ka la neih hi khawhral ka phallo a ni, ka rilru natna te chu ka dahtha mai ang, a bula ka awm theihna tur a nih phawt chuan. Nakinah chuan hmu duh pawh ni ila hmuh tur a awm tawh dawn lo, chuvangin mahni indahtha in, ka chapo ve na zawng zawng paihbo in a bula ka awm theihna tur a nih chuan engpawh tih ka duh a ni. Dik tak chuan kan inngaizawng a nih loh chuan an chhuah hunah engtikawng mahin kan inhmu tawh dawnlo, chu chuan min ti hlimlo takzet a ni.
10 NOVEMBER: Dear diary, a bulah chuan ka la awm ve thei zel e, ka vannei takzet a ni. Mahse amah hi ka hrethiam theilo. In a thlenin min hrilh thlap zel a, kei pawhin hrilh turin min duh a, ka hrilh ziah reng bawk a. Ngatinge beiseina hi min la siam fo le? Tunah pawh hian ka na tawk tawh viau asin le.
15 NOVEMBER: Dear diary, vawiin chu nilengin a reh a, nichin deuh dar 10 vel khan kan inbe chiah, ka lo kal dawn a tia. 11pm a ri tawh, alo thleng theilo, ka han text a,
‘I lo kal dawn loh chuan tha deuha sawi ve mai tur ania’
‘Ka u thiannu nen kan lo kal dawn chiah’
‘Ani chu enge rawn hruai a tulna? Nangmahin rawn kal rawh’
‘Ka bialnu ka ti chea, a hmu ve chak che alawm’
‘Thian kan ni I ti ani lawm ni? Tinge tiang chuan minlo sawi a?.....no reply
11 leh tlemah chuan an rawn thleng thei hram. Hun reilote chhung pawh nise, a bialnu anga awm chu nuam ka ti takzet, ka hlim a ni. Mahse, mak ka ti deuh, tinge a bialnu ang chuan min lo sawi le? Thingfanghma alo la keng zui. Dear diary, an haw chiah a, ka’n mu ve tawh ange aw, zanin chu ka hlim takzet a ni.
23 NOVEMBER: Dear diary, vawiin chu a awmdan a mak lutuk, a inthlak hlawk hi a ni mai. Enge a chhan pawh ka hrelo. Kan inkalpel pawhin min en lo hrim hrim, hmelhriatloh ang hmakin min kalpel a nih chu! Ka hrilhhai takzet. Temple ah ka chhuk ringawt, bus atanga a chhuk mial takin ka tia. A chhuk ngei bawk a, min hmu ang pawhin a awmlo, ka hawisawn lawk hlanin alo bo daih a, kein a phei a nih ka ring a, vawikhat tal amah hmuh beiseiin Zodin atanga Bazar thleng kein ka kal a, ka hmu ta chuanglo. A awmdan hian min tina takzet, ka chau ngawih ngawih.
24 NOVEMBER: Dear diary, vawiin pawh hmasawnna em em a awmlo. A thil eina thin ADM-ah ka thiante rualin ka kal vea, kan thut tawh hnuah an rawn lut a, ka hmu thei chu ka lawm kher mai, zuan vak vak mai ka duh a. Mahse ka hmulo der ta mai, a chhan chu ka inthlahrung tlat, a tan hnawksak nih ka duhlo a ni, hlim takin awm se ka duh ber. Tlaiah chuan bus seat pawh ka zawng peihlo, hmun khatah keimahin ka lo ding a. A call ka dawng nawlh mai, mak ka ti kher mai, ka hlim bawk si. Mi nghah ka neih leh neihloh vel minlo zawt a ni. A call ka dawn hnuhnun ber tur a ni tih hria ila ka dah miahlo tur. Dear diary, a awmdan hian min tina takzet, ka thinlung hi a rum vawng vawng asin.
26 NOVEMBER: Dear diary, a tana hnawksak nih ka hlauh avangin zingah pawh thingpui ka in ngai tawh lo, chhunah pawh gate pawnah a hla chung chungin thil ka va ei vang vang zel. Inngaizawng ka hmuh te hian hmuhnawm ka ti takzet, ka awt a, ka thik bawk a, vannei ka ti takzet a ni. Tlaiah pawh keimahin ka haw a, keimah chiahin earphone ka ngaihthlak a ngai tawh a, dear diary, ka tah hi a chhuak takzet a ni. Dik tak chuan hla pawh ka ngaithla rei ngamlo, ka hrechhuak zel a, tukverh ah ka dakchhuak a, ka mittui hi a rawn luangthla ngiai ngiai a, ka tap ri ngam silo. Motor-in min chil hlum daih se ka ti, ka telloa a hlim zawk dawn phawt chuan Pathian pawh hian min thiarfihlim daih mai se ka ti rum rum tawh. A hrehawm takzet.
27 NOVEMBER: Dear diary, vawiin zing chu maw ka lungleng lutuk a, ka insum thei nganglo. Mizo Department ah thingpui ka in a, tumah an awmlo, ka hawikual vel a, ka khua a har takzet. Ngawirengin ka hmaa thingpui no chu ka lo dawm a, a inthlak thut dan vel chu ka lo ngaihtuah neuh neuh a. Dik tak chuan a mak thlawt a ni, bialnu chu a neilo pawh a ni maithei, mahse biak dang chu neilo se, tihian a awm miah loang. Kan inkar miin an han zawt anga, ‘engmah a nilo’ a ti ngei ang, midang ka bula a sawi dan chiahin. Heng ngaihtuahna te hian min tina zual a ni. Dik tak chuan a sawm apianga ka lo kal thei zel te kha ka inhua, min hmuhsit phah ta ve ang, mahse a bula awm ka chak thin em ani. Ka nu pawhin ‘Chda nen in chhuah hi chuan in rei thei lutuk a’ a ti ve ngei a, mahse a bula ka awm phawt chu ka hlim tawk viau zel, mi min sawina leh hauhna te chu engatan mah ka ti ngailo. Ka la thut lai chuan an class ami hmeichhe 2 te nen an rawn lut vea, ka awmlo ang maiin melh pawh min melh lo, mahse min hmu tih chu ka chiang. Chhunah ruah a sur a, thli nen a thawk a, an class lam atangin ka kal a, kan intawk a, min enlo hrim hrim. Ka na lutuk chu awmngaihna ka hrelo, pawnah ka chhuak a, ka mittui a lan loh nan ka tia, ruahsur hnuaiah ka ding a, ka tap vak vak a, ka au nghek nghek a, dik tak chuan ka ipik lutuk, a chang leh ka nui vak vak a, ka au leh vak a, ka aa tawh tak tak ni berin ka hria. Mahse, amah ala hlim tal a. Dear diary, a hlim tak tak angem le? Dik tak chuan a hmel hmuh hi hrehawm ka ti, min hmulo der vel hi tawrh a har takzet! Mahse ka hmuh loh apiangin ka khua a har zel bawk si, a tello chuan ka nun hi a ruak ngawih ngawih, ka van ngai em!
30 NOVEMBER: Dear diary, message a reply ngailoa, call a la ngailoa, ka beidawng takzet tawh ani. Vawiin tlai khan a lak ring vaklo chungin ka call a, a lo la mial anih chu, puanpho ka seng a a tia, a aw khan ka lung a ti leng khawp mai. A hnuah kan inbe zui leh tawhlo, a hma ang bawkin ka message ho chuan reply an dawnglo. Sei ve deuhin ka mangtha a, ka nghak char char a,dar 2:25 am ah ka nghak chhuak ve hram. ‘Kmudwn’ tih ringawt hi a rawn thawn a, ka lawm tawk ve khawp mai, lungawi takin kan mu ve tawh ange. Ka hlim takzet a ni, dear dairy.
31 NOVEMBER: Dear diary, nizana vawikhat min reply avang khan beisei thar tlem ka nei a, ka tisual pawh a ni mahna le! Tunah hian 4am chiah ania. Ka rilru nat hian ka ‘overeat’ thin a, Taaza bur 2 ka in zo chiah, ka puar tawh takzet a ni.
1 DECEMBER: Dear diary, zingkar atangin min be duhlo leh tawh. A vawithumnaah a la hram.
‘Ngatinge min reply ngai miah loh a?’
‘Pack ka neilo a ni mai alawm’
Chhunah chuan a thianpa hi rui deuhin ka hmu a. Tlaiah, nilo, vawiin nilengin hmuh tur a awm si lo, ka hlauthawng leh ta tlat.
‘Khawnge I awm?’ …….no reply
‘In bang tawh em?’......no reply
‘In bang tawh tih ka hria ania’…….no reply
‘Zu I in ve a nimaw? Hmeichhia nen in awm mi?’…….no reply
‘Min be tawh suh I tih hma chu ka ti char char ang’…….no reply
Call engmah ala lo bawk a,zanah chuan ka thiannu in a be duh a, ka phone atangin kan call a, a la chuanglo. A hnu deuhah message ka dawng a,
‘Rwn phon tw lo mai rw’
‘Tehreeeeg mai mahse tiang hi chuan ti tawh suh I tluang loang’
Dear diary, tun thleng hian ka mittui ka van seng nasa ta em! Ani lah chuan a hre der silo. Amah vanga tlaivara ka tah hi zan engzat nge ka chhiar seng ta lo. Dear diary, dam thlakhlelhna reng ka nei ta lo, ka na em ani.
2 DECEMBER: Dear diary, vawiin chu ka khuahar takzet, ka ngai takzet a ni. Zana kan kal tawh naah te ka kal a. Kan hlimthla chu hmu theiin ka inhria, a titi siam siam a, kei ka lo nui vak vak bawk a, ka hmaa hlimthlaah chuan ka hlim hmel takzet asin. A hmaa ka thutnaah chuan ka thu a, poem pakhat ka phuah a,
FIRST PART OF ‘YOU’
You say you would come back;
You say you would return home,
Trusting you, I sit here and wait;
Days passed into weeks, weeks into months,
Where are you? When’d you come back?
My love, my life, I really need you now;
How can you let me go?
Please come home to stay,
The better part of ‘you’ had gone;
Who have the right to take you away from me?
How I wish this’ a nightmare;
Hoping to wake from the dream,
Oh! I miss the first part of ‘you’;
Please come back and stay, I beseech you, come back.
Chu hmun chu ka kalsan hreh takzet a ni. Library ah kan kalna thinah te khan ka kal a, vawiin chu ka mittui a tla nasa takzet a ni. Thawnthu min chhiarsakna thinah te khan ka kal a, ka ngai lutuk hi ka thinlung a rum vawng vawng mai. A thutna thin pakhatah thuin a chhiar hnu lehkhabu pakhat ka la a, ka tap nghek a, ka chhuak daih a. Chumi zawhah chuan zingkarah vawikhat kan kal tawh naah ka kal leh a, ka mitthlain a zuang vak vak lai te, ka bula nui ver ver chunga a rawn thut lai te, ka kawr min ben faisak lai te chu ka hmu a, ka mittui ka dang thei ngang lo, ka na em a ni. Mittui nen he poem hi ka phuah leh a,
TELL ME AGAIN
You’d said you miss me,
You’d said you want me;
You kiss me and hold me,
Now you let it go;
Why? Oh! Why?
Have you forgotten all the love that we’d made;
All those kisses and warm hugs,
Can’t they make you miss me?
These green trees, these buildings, people around me and everything make me remember you;
Can’t you see? I’ve been to the places that we’d once been,
And I was wandering how it felt so right beside you;
Tell me again that you’ve miss me,
Tell me you want it more;
So, baby, tell me again.
Chu hmun chu ka kalsan hreh takzet a ni. Ka kalsan rualin a nun atangin min paihbo dawn tlata hriatna ka nei a ni. Zan hun hi ka huphurh takzet, a telloa nun hman hi ka hlau a, ka ngamlo a ni. Dear diary, ka tihpalh aw, ka birthday ah hian ka tihpalh takzet a ni. Ka harsatna, ka lungngaihna leh ka tahnate min ngaihthlaksak thin avangin ka lawm e. Dear diary, ka hmangaih che, nang chauh hi min hriatthiampuitu awmchhun I ni.
Zoremi chuan a chhiar pah chuan a mittui chu a khap per sak sak a. Diary chu Rini chhungte pek chi a ni em? Chda chu chhiartir chi a ni em? Inngaihtuah buai tak chung chuan a muhil siai siai a.
*FICTION
DEAR DIARY
CONFESSION OF A BROKEN HEART
‘Bawihte harh rawh, min chhang ta che, Zoremi pawh alo kal hi’
‘Mimawlnu…engvangin nge hetiang hi I tih? I thiante hi min ngaihtuah ve lo em ni? Lalrin tho teh, min chhang teh’
Rini chu hlim ve thei tak, thiante leh chhungte pawh chawkhlim tu ber a ni thin a, hetia ama nunna a la ta mai hian mi zawng zawng a thawng a, a chhan awm tuman an hrelo a ni. A phone ah lah engmah rinhlelh tur a awmlo, a lukham hnuaiah hian a diary a awm bawk a,chu lah chu an han chhiar thuak chuan rinhlelh tur awmin an hre loa, a thiannu Zoremi chuan a hawn phei a. A hawn zan la la chuan a chhiar nghal a.
20 SEPTEMBER: Dear diary, vawiin chu kan picnic a, Chda nen kan inkawm a, a nuam khawp mai. Dik tak chuan a bula awm hi nuam ka ti, awm reng theih ka chak, mahse a rilru ka hre si loa. Tunah te hian ka khua a har e! Nichin lawk kha chuan ka bulah ala awm asin le. E, min thlah leh thlap a, a fel tawp. Dear diary, ka thinlung ruak zawng zawng hi a hnawhkhat vek ni berin ka hria. Tuna ka hlimna hi chelhdin reng theih ni se, pawisaa lei theih chu ni se a man tur tuakin ka inhlawh ngat ngat ang. Tunah tak hi chuan ka hmangaih ni berin ka hria.Ka thu mai mai te hi ka nui ver ver reng mai, vawiin kan hun hman dan ka ngaihtuah let a, ka hlim lutuk hi ka nui lo theilo, anu sawn mak min tih hmel lutuk, a rawn hawi leh hrek hrek zel.Hmangaih neih hi hetianga a nawm chuan kumkhuaa neih ka duh ang.
21 SEPTEMBER: Dear diary, bialnu a neilo a ni hrim hrim ang, kan inbe ve zeuh zeuh mai. Han biak hmasak reng ka hreh sia, mahse zep loah chuan ka ngai a ni. Kan inhmu bawk silo, kan inbiak loh chuan ka khuahar zel bawk si, ka hrethiamlo takzet a ni. A reh lai hian midang a bia ang tih ka hlau hluah hluah tawh. Ka awm ang hian a awm ve angem? Ka rilru ang hi a pu ve angem tih ka hre chak takzet, ring ngam chiah si loin ka beisei a ni. Tunah hian tlai dar 3 a ri tawh, chhun atang khan a la reh char char, ka tum buau tawh, a reh char char hi ka hne tawh takzet. Han kal mai ka duh, mahse an in ka hre bawk silo, a van hahthlak tak. Dear diary, ka thiantha ber, vawiin zet chu ka hul a ni, ka hlimlo em a, min hrethiam rawh.
22 SEPTEMBER: Dear diary, vawiin zet chu Sunday zawng zawnga boring ber a nih hi! Min wish tum bawk silo, tihian inkhawm a ngai nghal a, ninawm ve e.Ka phone ka en chak tawh lutuk a, inkhawm ban ka nghahhlelh phah vek. Ka chhuah veleh ka check nghal a, engmah a lo la awmlo zui, hitlo ve e. In ka thlen veleh ka tuar thei tawh ngangloa, ka call tawp a, pangngai tak chuan kan inbe leh lawi a,ka hlim leh nghal vek, a mak lutuk. E, chuan maw, min lo tawngtai kep em a tia kep lam niloin ka duh ang hian min duh ve theih nan ka tawngtai daih a, ka sawi zak ve deuh sia, ‘aih’ ka ti tawp a, ‘selfish’ min la ti zui. Dear diary, a nui ri ka hriat te hian alawm a aia nasa awm leh theilo khawpa ka hlim thin. Naktuk ni vat vat se aw, hetiang hian class kal ka la chak ngai miahlo.
23 SEPTEMBER: Dear diary, tukin zet zawng ka mood a ‘on’ teh e. A message pawh ka lo reply lawk lo, ka phur lutuk a,dar 8 ah ka inpeih diam tawh! Vawiin chu duhthusam ang thlap a ni. Dik tak chuan maw ka duh tawh lutuk hi ka in ‘control’ thei tawh nganglo a ni. Tunah hi chuan amah pawh hian min duh niin ka hria, hei hi ania ka hlim em em chhan. A polite-na leh a ‘caring’ lutuk hian min ti aa thei dawnin ka hria. Tlaiah bus-ah kan haw rual leh a,min en apiangin ka lai zel a,a hahthlak tawp mahse a nuam ve reng. Min en loh laiin ka lo en leh veng veng zel, a bula ka awm te, a hmel chiang taka ka en te hian ka duhna a zual thinin ka hria. Tukverh bulah min thuttir a, thli thaw chuan ka sam a rawn chhem leng vek a, min en reng avangin ka sam pawh ka siamtha ngam tawhlo. Enge I ngaihtuah min tia ‘nangmah’ ka ti ringawt a, ani reng bawk a a telloa ka khawhar dan tur ngawt ka lo ngaihtuah lai a nia, ‘kan inang a nih chu’ a ti chiah chu ka lawm lutuk hi ka mittui a parawl teuh a, mahse a hmulo hlauh, lehlam ka hawi daih.Dear diary,hun hi ka hua a, zan hun hi ka huphurh thin, a telloa awm a ngai ve ziah a.
27 SEPTEMBER: Dear diary, tunkar chu alo zo leh dawn ta reng mai, ka van ui tak ! ‘Weekend’ thleng hian class kal vek mai ka duh. Dik tak chuan maw a ‘romantic’ thei tawp. Midang hmuh laia a bula ka awm te hian ka inchhuang ru thei asin aw! Tunkar chu amah avangin ka pian ahnu lama kar nuam ber ka hman theih phah a, a uihawm duh lutuk. Lehkha zir ve ka tum pawhin amah ka ngaihtuah zel a, ka zir thei thlawtlo; mahse zir tura min duh thin avangin zir hram chu ka duh thin. Tunah te hian a bulah awm thei ila aw! Dear diary, a nupui chu a vannei ngawt ang. Ka ngaihtuah mai mai thin a, a bulah kawrfual var ha ila, hmangaih takin min en leh se, zungbun min buntir se, mahse ka ngaihtuah thui mah mah ani tiraw? Naktuk chawlh ani leh ta, NINAWM.
28 SEPTEMBER: Dear diary, Inrinni alo ni leh der tawh. An veng ka hre tawh a. A pawn chhuak vel hmuh inbeiseiin an vengah ka han kal ngawt a, an awmna lai ka hre siloa,a harsa khawp mai. Min nuihzat ka hlau a, engmah ka la hrilh duhlo zui. Ka duh ve em ani, hmangaihna tem tawh phawt chuan min dem bik lovang.
29 SEPTEMBER: Dear diary, Sunday a lo ni leh reng tawh. ‘Ka lo leng dawn’ ti se aw, ka zuang vak vak thei ang mawle. Ahma chuan Sunday hi chu chhungte tlawhchhuah nan ka hmang thin a, Chda nen kan inbiak chinah chuan alo len duh tak mialin inah ka awm tawp a, kan inbiak loh phei chuan ka khuahar ngawih ngawih zel. Inkhawm banah alo leng ngei a, ka van hlim tehreng tak! Ka nu pawh a be thiam tawp, a mark a tha tawp a nimai. Tlaiah ka ngai che a rawn ti ngei a, ka hlim lutuk hi kha message kha vawi 20 chuang ka chhiar, min hmu se chu min khawngaih zawk hial ang. Zan tir lamah ka muhil sek a, ka mumangah ka lo hmu a, mahse ka hmuh laiin midang a lo kai daih a, ka lo tap vak vak a. Ka harh chu ka rilru a na vawng vawng thei, hlauhthawnna in ka khat bawk a.
5 OCTOBER: Dear diary, zanin chu kan department in programme kan nei a, chuvang ania ‘news’ ka rawn ziah har em em chhan chu. Zing atang khan awmdan ka thiam tawhlo, ka helhhawlh aniang. Tlai lam deuhah kan inhmu a,a van hmeltha tak, hmu ve la ka ti e, ka thiantha ber I ni sia. A phone min kentir char char a, mak ka ti zawk. A hmun kan thleng chu a lam nasa tawp, nuihzathlak rap mai, mahse a hlim hmel kha a hmuhnawm tawp, ka lo hlim ve ringawt a nih chu! Thlalak vel lo en rawh min tia, ka en char char a, a hnu deuhah chuan whatsapp ka en chak tlat a. Ka en duh lawk loa, a chhan chu nuamlo ka ti ve a, mahse ka en chak tlat a, a mak lutuk, ‘instinct’ engemaw chu a ni. Ka hawng chiah chu ka hlauh ang ngeiin hmuh chu ka nei ta ngei mai. ‘Com 100’ tihin a save a, a dp ah chuan a lu a in ‘cut’ chiah chiah a, ‘lerh suh’ tih vel a ni. Ka sa chhuak nghal vek, ka en ka en a, ka mittui a rawn parawl nghal teuh a. Ka hmel danglam chu a lo hre thei aniang, a rawn kal nghal a, a thinrim tawp. ‘Ka ring che a, ka kawltir che a, privacy hi chu inzahsak ve tur’ a tia, a dik reng a sawi chu, mahse ka ‘instinct’ khan en turin min nawrlui tlat a ni, mahse kawng lehlamah chuan a tha zawk. Ka hlau lutuk a, tihngaihna ka hre tawhloa, bathroom-ah ka tlan lut tawp a, a rawn beng vak vak a, ka hawng duh lawk loa, a hnuah ka hawng a, ka pe ta nge nge a, a thinrim takzet in ka hria, mahse a thinrimna aiin ka rilru hliam chu a buk a rit fe zawk. Dar 10 a ri dawn tawh ang, kawngah ka chhuk thla a, min rawn um a, a thianpa te inah min kalpui a. Ka titau bar a, Dream Hunter music video, sap model an hmanna kha min enpui a, ‘a khal tawp, nangmah angin’ a ti deuh ngei a, ka nuih a za si,ka la titau laklawh si. Dik tak chuan ka na em a ni, ka theihnghilh thei thlawtlo, ka thinlung hi chema vih ang maiin a thi zawih zawih chu a ni sia, dear diary, amah chauhin a tidam thei a ni.
6 OCTOBER: Dear diary, vawiin chu zingkarah kan inhmu a, mahse ka hlim lo khawp mai. ‘Thinrim tawh lo la’ a ti reng a, mahse engtinnge ka theih ang? In I thlen hunah min hrilh rawh a tia, mahse a vawikhat nan a thuawih loh ka duh ve ngei a, ka hrilh loa, a reh vang vang mai, ka rilru a na ve reng. Dik tak chuan ‘min van hrilh har’ tih talin min lo biak ka ring ve asin le! Zanah chuan Hmingtei nen kan inbe hlawl a, ka hrilh ta vek a, I duh a nih chuan I tlai hmain I duh thu chu hrilh rawh min tia. Tihian message ka thawn ta a: Chd, dik tak chuan ka duh che a, mahse min duh ve si loa, nakinah ka rilru a na mai mai ang, chuvangin inbe tawh lo mai ang. ‘Ok’ ti chiahin min chhang, ka van hrilhhai tak. Dik tak chuan ‘angailo, ka duh che lawm, chutiang sawi suh’ a tih ka lo beisei a, mahse min biak loh maw alo duh? Ka awih theilo. Dear diary, tunah hian dar zat I hria em? 3:45, ka la muhil thei miahlo. Mahse amah tal tui takin a muhil thei ang chu tiraw? Mu miahlo mah ila, amah a mut theih chuan a tawk mai.
7 OCTOBER: Dear diary, Sunday alo ni leh der tawh. Inkhawm thlengin a message pakhat pawh ka la dawng lo. Tlaiah chuan ka tuar thei tawh thlawt loa, ka va text a, vawi thumnaah chuan ‘inbe tawh loang I tih kha’ a rawn ti tawl mai. A dik bawk si, ka ti ngei alawm, mahse inbiak loh ka duh tak tak a ni hleinem.Chumi message chu vawi tam tak ka reply tawh a, chhanna ka hmulo. Ka van mangang em! Sanga ka va hrilh lehpek a, ‘ka thei leh lo alawm’ ti mai rawh a lo ti sam et a, tlai khaw hnuah ka va ti leh a, reply ka ni ta chuanglo. A dik a ni, ka theilo chiang a ni.
8 OCTOBER: Dear diary, zanhnih ngawt ka mu tawh loa, vawiin chu ka zawi ngei mai. Zep loah chuan ka taksa leh thinlung hi a chau ngawih ngawih, ka mit ka khap peih tawk hi a ni ber. Class lak lai te chuan ka text char char a, a telloa ka awm theihloh thu vel a ni. Break ah chuan a message ka dawng nawlh mai, ka lawm lutuk chu ka thil ei lai ka helh awl awl mai, min hmu se chu min khawngaih ve ngawt ang.
‘Khawnge I awm a?’
‘Mizo ah thil ka ei…nang?’
‘ADM ah thil ka ei…keimahin’
‘Ka lo kal dawn ami?’
‘A ngailo mai…hei ka thiante an rawn kal’
‘Tlaiah I haw hma dawn em?’
‘Aih library ah kal ka ngaia’
‘Ka lo kal ve dawn ami?’
‘A ngailo…ka thianpain min kalpui dawn a’
Dear diary, min chhan dan chu ka lawm chiah lo, mahse hma ka sawn deuh e. Tlaiah chuan amah vangin ka haw tlai, kan ban hma tehreng nen. Ruah ala sur zui, nihliap ka nei silo, darkar khat leh a chanve chuang chu aniang, ruahsur hnuaiah ka ding a, ka huh vek. Ka text a, ruah a sur, ka la rawn chho theilo a ti tlat si. A hnua a hmel ka hmuh pawhin ka lungawi zan lo a ni, mahse ka thinrim ve ngam tawh lo, amah hloh chu ka thil hlauh ber ani tawh.
24 OCTOBER: Dear diary, tunlai chu a nuam ve reng, ka hlim ve tawh lutuk asin, tun ang hi ni reng se ka ti takzet a ni! Kan inbiak dan pawh ka duhthusam chiah chiah, zingah kan kal rual zeuh zeuh a, kan thlen hma changin Mizo Department Canteen-ah thingpui kan in ziah a, a titi siam siam lai te hian khawdang ka hawisan phallo hrim hrim. Tlaiah kan haw rual ziah bawk a, bus-a kan chuan pah hian a phone ami hla earphone-in kan ngaithla ziah bawk a. A bula ka awm lai hi chuan vannei ka inti hliah hliah thin, mahse chumi rualin min la kalsan dawn tlata hriatna hi ka nei thin a, hrehawm ka ti thin khawp, mahse hlim hmel hi hmuh hram hram ka duh thin, mahse tinge a bula ka awm lai reng pawh hian rilru na tak anga ka awm tlat thin le? A theih chhun chhun ah chuan a bula awm zel ka duh. A chhan chu maw thla leh mai hian kan exam anga, chumi hnuah chuan anni chu an chhuak tawh dawn a ni, ka huphurh ngawih ngawih, ka khua a har lawk takzet a ni. A chang chuan hun reilote chhung atan tinge kan lo intawn kher ka ti thin. Dear diary, min kalsan hun tur hi ka ngaihtuah ngamlo tak tak, tunah pawh hian ka khawharzia hrilh chung chein ka mittui a far fep fep ani tih reng a hre silo. Ka ngai takzet a ni.
28 OCTOBER: Dear dairy, kan awmdan hi ka hrethiamlo telh telh. Hetiang ang relationship ‘laklawh’ hi hrehawm ka ti, awmdan ka thiamlo. Vawiin chu Sentei ka zawhtir a, I duh tak tak em sawi rawh, I duh chuan I tan a rinawm ang, I duh loh pawn tha deuhin sawi la a chhan chu hetia laklawh deuha awm hrehawmzia hi keipawn ka hria a tia, ani chuan kan induh tawn chu a ni mai lawm tiin alo chhang a, ka hlim ve kher asin, reilote chhung chu. Amah pawh a caring lutuk, mahse dik tak chuan ‘polite’ satliah ni te hian ka hre thin, ka tih awmzia chu a bulah hian hmeichhe dang awm ta se, ka chunga a tih ang tho hian a tiin a awm ka ring, ka ngaihtuahna ka thunun zolo, hetiang ngaihtuahna nen hian rilru na tak mahse hun ka nei tlem tawh tih hriain hlim luih ka tum a, a bulah ka awm a, vawiin chu ka hmang zo ve hram e.
2 NOVEMBER: Dear diary, ka tuar thei tawhlo, vawiin chhun khan message-in ka zawt tawp a.
‘Kan ni nge nilo?’
‘Nilo’
Midang tan chuan a nuihzathlak ngawt ang, mahse nang tal chuan min nuih suh aw, ka rilru chu nang chauhin I hrethiam, nang chauh hi ka natzia min hriatthiampuitu awmchhun I ni. Mahse tlaiah chuan kan rawn haw rual leh tho. A chhan I hre duh em? A chhan chu maw hun tlemte ka la neih hi khawhral ka phallo a ni, ka rilru natna te chu ka dahtha mai ang, a bula ka awm theihna tur a nih phawt chuan. Nakinah chuan hmu duh pawh ni ila hmuh tur a awm tawh dawn lo, chuvangin mahni indahtha in, ka chapo ve na zawng zawng paihbo in a bula ka awm theihna tur a nih chuan engpawh tih ka duh a ni. Dik tak chuan kan inngaizawng a nih loh chuan an chhuah hunah engtikawng mahin kan inhmu tawh dawnlo, chu chuan min ti hlimlo takzet a ni.
10 NOVEMBER: Dear diary, a bulah chuan ka la awm ve thei zel e, ka vannei takzet a ni. Mahse amah hi ka hrethiam theilo. In a thlenin min hrilh thlap zel a, kei pawhin hrilh turin min duh a, ka hrilh ziah reng bawk a. Ngatinge beiseina hi min la siam fo le? Tunah pawh hian ka na tawk tawh viau asin le.
15 NOVEMBER: Dear diary, vawiin chu nilengin a reh a, nichin deuh dar 10 vel khan kan inbe chiah, ka lo kal dawn a tia. 11pm a ri tawh, alo thleng theilo, ka han text a,
‘I lo kal dawn loh chuan tha deuha sawi ve mai tur ania’
‘Ka u thiannu nen kan lo kal dawn chiah’
‘Ani chu enge rawn hruai a tulna? Nangmahin rawn kal rawh’
‘Ka bialnu ka ti chea, a hmu ve chak che alawm’
‘Thian kan ni I ti ani lawm ni? Tinge tiang chuan minlo sawi a?.....no reply
11 leh tlemah chuan an rawn thleng thei hram. Hun reilote chhung pawh nise, a bialnu anga awm chu nuam ka ti takzet, ka hlim a ni. Mahse, mak ka ti deuh, tinge a bialnu ang chuan min lo sawi le? Thingfanghma alo la keng zui. Dear diary, an haw chiah a, ka’n mu ve tawh ange aw, zanin chu ka hlim takzet a ni.
23 NOVEMBER: Dear diary, vawiin chu a awmdan a mak lutuk, a inthlak hlawk hi a ni mai. Enge a chhan pawh ka hrelo. Kan inkalpel pawhin min en lo hrim hrim, hmelhriatloh ang hmakin min kalpel a nih chu! Ka hrilhhai takzet. Temple ah ka chhuk ringawt, bus atanga a chhuk mial takin ka tia. A chhuk ngei bawk a, min hmu ang pawhin a awmlo, ka hawisawn lawk hlanin alo bo daih a, kein a phei a nih ka ring a, vawikhat tal amah hmuh beiseiin Zodin atanga Bazar thleng kein ka kal a, ka hmu ta chuanglo. A awmdan hian min tina takzet, ka chau ngawih ngawih.
24 NOVEMBER: Dear diary, vawiin pawh hmasawnna em em a awmlo. A thil eina thin ADM-ah ka thiante rualin ka kal vea, kan thut tawh hnuah an rawn lut a, ka hmu thei chu ka lawm kher mai, zuan vak vak mai ka duh a. Mahse ka hmulo der ta mai, a chhan chu ka inthlahrung tlat, a tan hnawksak nih ka duhlo a ni, hlim takin awm se ka duh ber. Tlaiah chuan bus seat pawh ka zawng peihlo, hmun khatah keimahin ka lo ding a. A call ka dawng nawlh mai, mak ka ti kher mai, ka hlim bawk si. Mi nghah ka neih leh neihloh vel minlo zawt a ni. A call ka dawn hnuhnun ber tur a ni tih hria ila ka dah miahlo tur. Dear diary, a awmdan hian min tina takzet, ka thinlung hi a rum vawng vawng asin.
26 NOVEMBER: Dear diary, a tana hnawksak nih ka hlauh avangin zingah pawh thingpui ka in ngai tawh lo, chhunah pawh gate pawnah a hla chung chungin thil ka va ei vang vang zel. Inngaizawng ka hmuh te hian hmuhnawm ka ti takzet, ka awt a, ka thik bawk a, vannei ka ti takzet a ni. Tlaiah pawh keimahin ka haw a, keimah chiahin earphone ka ngaihthlak a ngai tawh a, dear diary, ka tah hi a chhuak takzet a ni. Dik tak chuan hla pawh ka ngaithla rei ngamlo, ka hrechhuak zel a, tukverh ah ka dakchhuak a, ka mittui hi a rawn luangthla ngiai ngiai a, ka tap ri ngam silo. Motor-in min chil hlum daih se ka ti, ka telloa a hlim zawk dawn phawt chuan Pathian pawh hian min thiarfihlim daih mai se ka ti rum rum tawh. A hrehawm takzet.
27 NOVEMBER: Dear diary, vawiin zing chu maw ka lungleng lutuk a, ka insum thei nganglo. Mizo Department ah thingpui ka in a, tumah an awmlo, ka hawikual vel a, ka khua a har takzet. Ngawirengin ka hmaa thingpui no chu ka lo dawm a, a inthlak thut dan vel chu ka lo ngaihtuah neuh neuh a. Dik tak chuan a mak thlawt a ni, bialnu chu a neilo pawh a ni maithei, mahse biak dang chu neilo se, tihian a awm miah loang. Kan inkar miin an han zawt anga, ‘engmah a nilo’ a ti ngei ang, midang ka bula a sawi dan chiahin. Heng ngaihtuahna te hian min tina zual a ni. Dik tak chuan a sawm apianga ka lo kal thei zel te kha ka inhua, min hmuhsit phah ta ve ang, mahse a bula awm ka chak thin em ani. Ka nu pawhin ‘Chda nen in chhuah hi chuan in rei thei lutuk a’ a ti ve ngei a, mahse a bula ka awm phawt chu ka hlim tawk viau zel, mi min sawina leh hauhna te chu engatan mah ka ti ngailo. Ka la thut lai chuan an class ami hmeichhe 2 te nen an rawn lut vea, ka awmlo ang maiin melh pawh min melh lo, mahse min hmu tih chu ka chiang. Chhunah ruah a sur a, thli nen a thawk a, an class lam atangin ka kal a, kan intawk a, min enlo hrim hrim. Ka na lutuk chu awmngaihna ka hrelo, pawnah ka chhuak a, ka mittui a lan loh nan ka tia, ruahsur hnuaiah ka ding a, ka tap vak vak a, ka au nghek nghek a, dik tak chuan ka ipik lutuk, a chang leh ka nui vak vak a, ka au leh vak a, ka aa tawh tak tak ni berin ka hria. Mahse, amah ala hlim tal a. Dear diary, a hlim tak tak angem le? Dik tak chuan a hmel hmuh hi hrehawm ka ti, min hmulo der vel hi tawrh a har takzet! Mahse ka hmuh loh apiangin ka khua a har zel bawk si, a tello chuan ka nun hi a ruak ngawih ngawih, ka van ngai em!
30 NOVEMBER: Dear diary, message a reply ngailoa, call a la ngailoa, ka beidawng takzet tawh ani. Vawiin tlai khan a lak ring vaklo chungin ka call a, a lo la mial anih chu, puanpho ka seng a a tia, a aw khan ka lung a ti leng khawp mai. A hnuah kan inbe zui leh tawhlo, a hma ang bawkin ka message ho chuan reply an dawnglo. Sei ve deuhin ka mangtha a, ka nghak char char a,dar 2:25 am ah ka nghak chhuak ve hram. ‘Kmudwn’ tih ringawt hi a rawn thawn a, ka lawm tawk ve khawp mai, lungawi takin kan mu ve tawh ange. Ka hlim takzet a ni, dear dairy.
31 NOVEMBER: Dear diary, nizana vawikhat min reply avang khan beisei thar tlem ka nei a, ka tisual pawh a ni mahna le! Tunah hian 4am chiah ania. Ka rilru nat hian ka ‘overeat’ thin a, Taaza bur 2 ka in zo chiah, ka puar tawh takzet a ni.
1 DECEMBER: Dear diary, zingkar atangin min be duhlo leh tawh. A vawithumnaah a la hram.
‘Ngatinge min reply ngai miah loh a?’
‘Pack ka neilo a ni mai alawm’
Chhunah chuan a thianpa hi rui deuhin ka hmu a. Tlaiah, nilo, vawiin nilengin hmuh tur a awm si lo, ka hlauthawng leh ta tlat.
‘Khawnge I awm?’ …….no reply
‘In bang tawh em?’......no reply
‘In bang tawh tih ka hria ania’…….no reply
‘Zu I in ve a nimaw? Hmeichhia nen in awm mi?’…….no reply
‘Min be tawh suh I tih hma chu ka ti char char ang’…….no reply
Call engmah ala lo bawk a,zanah chuan ka thiannu in a be duh a, ka phone atangin kan call a, a la chuanglo. A hnu deuhah message ka dawng a,
‘Rwn phon tw lo mai rw’
‘Tehreeeeg mai mahse tiang hi chuan ti tawh suh I tluang loang’
Dear diary, tun thleng hian ka mittui ka van seng nasa ta em! Ani lah chuan a hre der silo. Amah vanga tlaivara ka tah hi zan engzat nge ka chhiar seng ta lo. Dear diary, dam thlakhlelhna reng ka nei ta lo, ka na em ani.
2 DECEMBER: Dear diary, vawiin chu ka khuahar takzet, ka ngai takzet a ni. Zana kan kal tawh naah te ka kal a. Kan hlimthla chu hmu theiin ka inhria, a titi siam siam a, kei ka lo nui vak vak bawk a, ka hmaa hlimthlaah chuan ka hlim hmel takzet asin. A hmaa ka thutnaah chuan ka thu a, poem pakhat ka phuah a,
FIRST PART OF ‘YOU’
You say you would come back;
You say you would return home,
Trusting you, I sit here and wait;
Days passed into weeks, weeks into months,
Where are you? When’d you come back?
My love, my life, I really need you now;
How can you let me go?
Please come home to stay,
The better part of ‘you’ had gone;
Who have the right to take you away from me?
How I wish this’ a nightmare;
Hoping to wake from the dream,
Oh! I miss the first part of ‘you’;
Please come back and stay, I beseech you, come back.
Chu hmun chu ka kalsan hreh takzet a ni. Library ah kan kalna thinah te khan ka kal a, vawiin chu ka mittui a tla nasa takzet a ni. Thawnthu min chhiarsakna thinah te khan ka kal a, ka ngai lutuk hi ka thinlung a rum vawng vawng mai. A thutna thin pakhatah thuin a chhiar hnu lehkhabu pakhat ka la a, ka tap nghek a, ka chhuak daih a. Chumi zawhah chuan zingkarah vawikhat kan kal tawh naah ka kal leh a, ka mitthlain a zuang vak vak lai te, ka bula nui ver ver chunga a rawn thut lai te, ka kawr min ben faisak lai te chu ka hmu a, ka mittui ka dang thei ngang lo, ka na em a ni. Mittui nen he poem hi ka phuah leh a,
TELL ME AGAIN
You’d said you miss me,
You’d said you want me;
You kiss me and hold me,
Now you let it go;
Why? Oh! Why?
Have you forgotten all the love that we’d made;
All those kisses and warm hugs,
Can’t they make you miss me?
These green trees, these buildings, people around me and everything make me remember you;
Can’t you see? I’ve been to the places that we’d once been,
And I was wandering how it felt so right beside you;
Tell me again that you’ve miss me,
Tell me you want it more;
So, baby, tell me again.
Chu hmun chu ka kalsan hreh takzet a ni. Ka kalsan rualin a nun atangin min paihbo dawn tlata hriatna ka nei a ni. Zan hun hi ka huphurh takzet, a telloa nun hman hi ka hlau a, ka ngamlo a ni. Dear diary, ka tihpalh aw, ka birthday ah hian ka tihpalh takzet a ni. Ka harsatna, ka lungngaihna leh ka tahnate min ngaihthlaksak thin avangin ka lawm e. Dear diary, ka hmangaih che, nang chauh hi min hriatthiampuitu awmchhun I ni.
Zoremi chuan a chhiar pah chuan a mittui chu a khap per sak sak a. Diary chu Rini chhungte pek chi a ni em? Chda chu chhiartir chi a ni em? Inngaihtuah buai tak chung chuan a muhil siai siai a.
*FICTION
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